The strictly fictitious semi-biography of Gollum:
He was just a regular hairy-footed IT worker heavily invested with IBM Networking (involving untold man-hours of research and development) until one fateful day when he was ordered to deploy a new networking environment in it's stead.
In a fit of madness and uncontrollable rage, he grabbed his "Tolkien Ring" console, disabling the network in the process, and stormed out of the building yelling "My Precious!" frantically and repetitively as he ran, trailing hermaphroditic connectors behind him.
His employer, an IT wizard in his own right, was so disgruntled about the theft and lack of civic response, that he organized an action committee - a Fellowship if you will - led by a hairy-footed junior intern to reclaim company property and eventually see it properly recycled in the fire caves where it's evil reign began.When the group finally caught up with him, the gear and it's arcane concepts had changed him startlingly into a physically gaunt and bitterly divided man.
They fought like h*ll to get it away from him and finally succeeded, risking their own lives in the process from that madman. Some were hospitalized for their wounds, one was seriously injured.Thankfully, like Eddie Van Halen*, Gollum is today recovering in Bellevue, and purportedly "making progress".
Sadly though, nurses say he can still be overheard angrily mumbling incoherently to himself once in a while.
* reference: "Hot For Teacher" Video
... To Be Continued ... ... or not; I'd rather watch "Diamond Dave's" Game Show! 
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